This is supposed to be a humourous poem for those with a mathematical bent, as they say. Some of the mathematical concepts may be a little controversial, but I am happy to discuss that with any mathematicians or wannabes like myself. Hopefully someone will find it amusing – one ‘like’ would be enough to make my day. In terms of style, I would say that it’s a typically English piece of stupidity reminiscent of the type of poetry I once read in a book at school called “Verse and Worse”. If anyone has that book I’d love to borrow it!


Number is a concept that really counts, and one that’s vastly underrated

Most Numbers we use are relatively small, those we don’t may seem complicated

Even Zero, to most people, means Nothing, yet, in its absence, no logic exists

Often defined as the opposite of Something, from its everyday use, we cannot desist


But Something is a quantity Indefinite, it might be a Number that’s Complex

And it might, or might not, be Finite, contrary to most human reflex

For all Numbers are in reality Complex, but their Imaginary parts may be Nought

This truth is most often neglected, before comprehension is sought


All Complex Numbers have a Real part, which, again, to Zero may be Equal

Their understanding is both science and art, and there follows many a logical sequel

An Imaginary Number has no Real component, and the inverse is true, we feel

But, when raised to an Imaginary Power, the result can be surprisingly Real


When Zero is divided by Nothing, the result is a known unknown

This Uncertainty may be disconcerting, but its truth is most easily shown

For Zero multiplied by a Finite expression, has an Infinitesimal solution

So, by logical, legitimate inversion, we can prove this profound proposition


When solving some cubic equations, Complex Numbers become essential

As do trigonometric relations. How Pythagoras has proved providential!

The Number of Infinities is Infinite, and there are Infinities of different dimensions

For example, the number of points in a line, is greater than all Natural extensions


But Infinity is not just a Number, it can be a quasi-religious thing

That arouses philosophers from slumber, and causes church choirs to sing

We give numbers to all that we own, and measure what others possess

To ensure that our relative wealth is known, and to announce our rate of success


When Nothing is added to Something, that Something remains as before

Anything multiplied successively by One, will stay as it is ever more

A Finite taken from its Infinite brother, yields an Infinite Number that’s less

But an Infinite Number taken from another, leaves an Undefined, mathematical mess


To count the grains of sand on a beach, you need to count faster than their production

For a Number beyond calculation’s reach, is incapable of Finite reduction

Even the notion of Negative Number, has posed problems for the church

But science has shown its domination, and left the dubious, again, in the lurch


Infinity and Complex have done the same, literal believers are completely discarded

Incapable of finding someone to blame, for their thinking is so clearly retarded

By the time you have read this drivel, whatever your intellectual pretention

Someone out there will have started to snivel, beyond all rational comprehension